at what cost?

In today's economy, with people losing their jobs left and right, and with new ones almost impossible to come by, I know I should be thanking my lucky stars that I was basically handed a job on a silver platter and was unemployed for a total of 9 days.

However, with a total of 3 days in, I'm beginning to wonder if it really was all for the best. Of course I'll be getting a paycheck and able to pay all of my bills.

But sometimes you have to ask yourself at what cost?

I will admit that last night, I cried as I drove home last night from work. It was the culmination of desperately missing everyone from my old job and knowing I don't really fit in with my new coworkers. It was knowing I was the best at what I used to do and knowing that now, I am the very worst and know next to nothing. It's how absolutely uncomfortable I feel there.

Is a paycheck worth all of those things?

I realize that there is always a period of adjustment when you start a new job. Always. You go through that period of feeling like you'll never learn how it's all done or you'll never truly get a concept. I fully understand that - it's a given with any job.

I'm just not sure that's what this is.

There's also the fact that this is what I used to do, it's just doing it somewhere else. And in doing that, I need to break all of old habits and form new ones. Which isn't unreasonable, of course. It just seems that way when I think the old way is better than this new way. Old habits die hard, I suppose. But maybe those old ways are the better way to do things. Those are the ways I feel comfortable doing everything. These new ways? I'm not comfortable doing them and I'm not sure that I ever will be.

Is feeling like you're losing all those wonderful things you learned and never feeling right with what you're doing, 40 hours a week, worth that paycheck?

Is working 40 hours worth your schoolwork suffering and wasting the $3000 you spent on tuition? Is it worth driving 40 minutes there and back? Is it worth not getting home until close to midnight worth it, especially when you have to be up early the next day to go to school? Is it worth missing Thanksgiving and Christmas with your family and friends?

Yes. I am receiving a paycheck. A paycheck most people would kill for right now in this economy. But is it really worth what it's costing me?